


the knight

by illrunwithyou



Series: angsty one shots [3]
Category: NCT Dream
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mostly just comfort, Nyctophobia, Panic Attacks, Park Jisung & Zhong Chen Le Are Best Friends, Zhong Chen Le-centric, but he doesnt mean it, fear of the dark, renjun is kinda mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24636349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illrunwithyou/pseuds/illrunwithyou
Summary: Chenle is scared of the dark and the members find out.
Relationships: Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Series: angsty one shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698694
Comments: 6
Kudos: 130





	the knight

**Author's Note:**

> Hellooo, I hope everyone has been safe! I have been working on this for nearly three months and oh my gosh it has been so hard to finish. As always, this is unedited and I am sorry if anything is offensive. But i hope you like it!
> 
> READ THE TAGS PLEASE BEFORE DECIDING TO READ THIS
> 
> Also, I made Renjun kinda mean in this and I'm sorry, he just wants to have some fun :((

10 year old Chenle pressed his hands to his ears in an attempt to block out the sound of the pitch darkness. His mother always signed up for the late shifts and left him at home. At first, it wasn't too bad, but as time went on, he came to realize that darkness was the culprit that stole his poor, hardworking mom away for several hours, and left him with his inner demons that came out in the dark. It scared him to his core whenever his mom so much as uttered the words “I am working a night shift tonight, but it’s fine, since dad, grandpa, and grandma are going to be home.” 

It was never fine, since he knew he couldn’t turn to them, they would only accuse him of not being manly enough and it hurt when the people who were supposed to love him unconditionally verbally beat him up over this childish, irrational fear he, a man, was not supposed to have. But he couldn’t get over the pounding in his heart, the sweating of his palms, the shake of his knees, the tilting of his world whenever he couldn’t get a long enough breath and it felt like his world was shrinking in on him. Only his mom understood him, only his mom would take him into her lap like he was still a baby and pat down his hair while softly singing his favorite song- 

“When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary; When troubles come and my heart burdened be; Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,” Chenle sang quietly, hands pressed tightly against his ears, the only thing he could hear was the shakiness of his voice vibrating in his head, trying desperately to fight the imaginary monsters that jumped out at him in his dark room. 

“When this happens, you need to sing loudly, you need to scare off the monsters,” 

Chenle took a shaky breath, and tried again, “When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary; When troubles come and my heart burdened be; Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,” his voice rising with each word, until all he could focus on was his colorful night light at the corner of his room shaped as a knight. It blinked at him, smiling softly, I've got this, don’t worry, it reverberated inside his head, and it leaped off it’s metal stand and charged at the dark monsters, skillfully dodging the sharp fangs that sank into nothingness and bravely leaping over the multitudes and multitudes of monsters that came at him, shining them with a rainbow of colors that forced them back and disappear into the darkness. Slaying the last monster, the knight turned to him, and smiled a cheeky smile, sleep well now, I’ll be here in your dreams too. Chenle smiled back softly, and laid back into bed, only to sit back up at the slam of the door. 

“Why are you so loud?! Quiet down!” His father slammed the door as he left as well. Chenle was stunned, and the dark monsters came back, attacking him, bearing their teeth, this time infiltrating his mind with thoughts that he quickly pushed away. 

Crying, Chenle pulled the sheets over his head, and despite everything turning instantly darker causing his heart to jump a few beats, he didn’t take his sheets off due to guilt resting on his shoulders after waking his dad up. With that weight on his mind, he finally fell into a deep sleep where the knight from his night light reassured stayed by his side the entire night and fought all the dark demons that tried to invade his mind. 

Because of this bond between him and his nightlight, Chenle never allowed his mom to throw it out even when she said he outgrew it, he made sure it was one of his essentials even when he was moving into the NCT Dream dorm, he laughed it off when the members made fun of him for still having a silly night light, he laughed even though it hurt thinking his members thought he was a baby for having a night light. Jisung had stood up for him then and mentioned that they all had stuffed animals on their beds so lay off his friend. Mark, sensing the uncomfortable atmosphere, laughed it off and asked everyone to go order dinner while Chenle was able to unpack. 

Chenle wasn’t teased again but he knew that he couldn’t plug in his nightlight, so he made sure to prop it at the foot of his bed. That was enough as he knew the knight was protecting him at all times and he knew it was only the placebo effect but somehow looking at it always lifted a weight from his heart. He had mostly grown out of his fear of the dark but sometimes when he couldn’t see his hands that were right in front of him, his heart rate would involuntarily speed up and his legs would go jelly. None of his members, however, knew about his debilitating fear as he would laugh it off and try to inch towards the light that went unseen by all his members. 

Though that would soon change on one cold winter evening. He was messing up the choreography that took them so long to learn. 

“Haechan isn’t even messing up and he learned it a week later than all of you due to his busy schedule, and you can’t even run through it once without messing up? Chenle, I am so disappointed in you, I hope you know that,” the choreographer berated for the umpteenth time. 

Chenle could only nod weakly, hanging his sweat-soaked bangs in shame. Truthfully, today was just an off day, he had woken up late, stuffed his face with the breakfast Mark had prepared before pulling on a pair of jeans and running to the van already loaded with his members. When they arrived at the recording studio, he had voice cracked several times which was overlooked by the members but still hurt his pride. He thought he could redeem himself during dance practice but he had worn jeans, a grave mistake. Thankfully, Jisung had an extra pair of shorts in his bag that he always carried around in case he got too hot in his sweatpants. He felt useless today, but he knew once he got a good night’s sleep, he would be fine, it was just an off day. The choreographer, though, was fed up. 

“I guess that’s all for today. Chenle, you’d better practice for tomorrow,” 

The rustle of packing up around him filled the room along with the chatter of his excited members. Chenle stayed sitting in the same spot, watching his sweat drip into a puddle on the worn out dance floor. 

“Hey Chenle, you coming back to the dorms?” the deep voice of their youngest member asked. 

Forcing a smile, Chenle looked up and shook his head, not trusting his voice that was still riddled with cracks. 

“I’ll see you back at the dorm then, don’t come back too late,” Mark called as the ushered the rest of the members out the door and reminded them to take a shower as soon as they returned to the dorms. 

Chenle knew he needed to get better so he took a swig of water and pulled himself to his feet and practiced. 

_Must get this right. Must get this right. Must get this right._ Echoed inside his head. He was staring at his own form and was disgusted by the way his body didn’t move as smooth as Renjun and Jaemin, as sharp as Jaemin, as clean as Jeno, as confident as Haechan. He hated all of it. 

Suddenly, he couldn’t see himself anymore in the mirror. He couldn’t see anything, his entire world going black. 

It took him several seconds to realize that he didn’t black out. Blinking, he realized that the power in the entire building cut out but by then, the only thing he could hear was his breathing. His butt hit the cold hard floor and his hands immediately rose up to cover his ears. 

“Whe-When I a-am down..” The lights flickered and his eyebrows pressed together. 

_I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this._

Globs of tears rolled down his cheeks uncontrollably and Chenle had to start counting his breaths. 

_One_

Chenle thought of home, the smell of his mom’s freshly steamed bao, the soft smells that embraced him every time he stepped into his mom’s garden, the harsh smells of citrus that signaled it was cleaning season, but most importantly, the warm comforting smell that his mom always emitted when she hugged him.

 _Two_

The sound of his grandma and grandpa’s gentle bickering, the sounds of water running in their fountain, the sounds of his mom humming while preparing dinner, and the sounds of his father flipping through the newspaper on a sunny morning. He wanted to go back. 

_Three_

The feeling of soft velvet under his fingers when he sits in his family’s expensive car, the feeling of the itchy school uniform that they always donned, the feelings of his grandpa’s pat on the back and his grandma’s tight hugs. He missed his family. 

_Four_

The sights of the countryside that would pass by outside the car window, the sights of numerous family dinners and gatherings, the sight of the gorgeous high rise building they lived in, the sight of his mother sobbing as he went to get on the plane. He needed to get back. 

Chenle’s eyes snapped open with a jolt, scurrying to organize his bag, grabbing his phone and running out the practice room, he knew he needed to get home before the other members freaked out. 

“Where have you been all night? The movie is about to start!” 

Chenle chuckled at Renjun calling him from the living room as he threw his bag down onto his bed. 

“What’re we watching?” 

“Some lame cheesy romantic movie, it’s gonna be great!” The members were already all on the couch, huddled together and whining for him. 

“Where’s Haechan?” 

“127 dorm tonight” 

“Ah”

He knew he was blessed to live with six crazy Koreans. He loved them to the ends of the world, but when the MC asked if he had any fears during that one interview, he had to grit his teeth and say no, he was fearless, eliciting heartful laughs from his members who agreed, sharing stories of how he laughed off any awkward or scary situation. He couldn’t tell them about his debilitating fear of the dark, he just couldn’t. 

Somehow, though, he had an inkling that they already knew as he felt the firm arm around his shoulders from Jaemin hyung, Jisung cuddling into his side, and his small Renjun hyung tucked into his other side between him and Jaemin hyung. However, he knew it was impossible that they knew. 

As he was relishing in his own happiness, the entire room went black and it sent his heart into panic mode. The only thing he could think was 

_I need to get out. Get out. Get out. Get out._

Standing up abruptly, startling the members on both sides, Chenle’s hurriedly apologized and ran to the bathroom, closing the door behind him and sliding to the ground, hands automatically raising to cover his ears. 

He couldn’t breath, he couldn’t be like this all the time, this was the second time that day he freaked out. His world was spinning, the dim candle light filtering in from the living room and illuminating the dim outlines of the toilet and the sink. The monsters came out again, this time bigger than he remembered, angrier, with bigger fangs, bloodier fangs, and roars that deafened him. He felt overwhelmed, enclosed by these insane beasts and he had no one, didn’t have his knight in shining armor, not even his members. 

All of a sudden, something hard hit his back and he was eye-to-eye with the soft rugs of the bathroom. He didn’t bother getting back up as he knew he was done for. The monsters found him. The monsters were going to eat him. 

Hands gripped at him but he never unrolled, knowing he couldn’t show weakness. He couldn’t be submissive, he had to fight, he can't. 

“-le, look at me, please, Chenle, please look at me- Renjun can you go get a candle?!” 

The cold hands gripped his face, forcing his neck to turn forward. He knew he couldn’t look straight into the eyes of the monsters, it was a sign of weakness and his hyungs would be so disappointed in him if he lets the monsters out and he lets them get to Jisung. 

He needed his knight right now, his childish, worn down, cartoonish nightlight. He shouldn’t need it, he’s grown now, but this fear of the dark wrapped around him and brought back childhood memories. He needed his knight. 

He furrowed his eyebrows and closed his eyes so tight that he was afraid his eyebrows would fall off. He could feel the fingers moving around his ears and his heart beat in his ears.

_No, no, no no, no, please stop, please, I would do anything, anything, please stop, no, don’t hurt me!_

“Hey, hey” Jaemin’s voice broke through his thoughts and his eyes flew open to see his hyung’s worried face, “sweetie, calm down. It’s ok, just breathe, breathe. In. Out. There you go! In. Out. In…” 

Jaemin’s face came into focus and he traced the lines on his faces. He chuckled. Those lines will become wrinkled in the future if he keeps needlessly worrying like this for the members. He’s only a year older than him yet he had mothered them to the point that they jokingly said they felt suffocated. 

Hie eyes wandered up to his hyungs clustering behind Jaemin. Their worried eyebrows furrowed even more seeing that he had chuckled without context. His eyes fell on Jisung, who was in the back, slightly frightened and shaking, looking very small for such a tall person. Chenle never wants to see him like that again, skin pale, eyes blinking rapidly, because at the end of the day, he was only a kid. 

Suddenly he was holding Jisung’s face. He didn’t know how it happened but all of a sudden he was standing up and outside the bathroom with his hyungs surrounding him, Jaemin hyung still sitting on the floor, hands outstretched and confused. 

Without thinking, his fingers wiped at Jisung’s tears. And words came out of his mouth that he didn’t even know he was going to say, “it’s ok, I’m ok, don’t worry.” 

“I’m ok, really…..it’s fine, don’t worry.” He turned around, now embarrassed that they found out. He walked out of the hallway, determined to sit on the couch and pretend that everything is normal. He didn’t get very far. 

“Chenle, what are you doing!?” Ah, the famous wrath of Renjun hyung. 

“You stayed back practicing way too late, you nearly missed out on our movie night, you ran into the bathroom without saying a word, and now you want to pretend like nothing happened?!” 

“Renjun-ah, stop, he’s still traumatized, just...whatever you are going to say, just don’t.” Jeno pulled Renjun’s arm back, tired of this day. He easily captured him in his arms, giving the tiny guy a back hug to hold him back. Renjun didn’t even struggle so Jeno laid his head on his shoulder. 

“Hyung, don’t worry, I’m fine. See?” His limbs moved limply, unconvincingly. 

“No, Renjun is right. Are you okay, sweetie?” Jaemin wrapped his arms around Chenle, hanging off him like a koala. 

“Jaemin hyung is right, this is not normal, please…..are you afraid of the dark?” Jisung joined the pile.

“......no” his voice came out smaller than ever. 

Renjun cackled evilly, “well then, you shouldn’t be scared of this,” he flipped off the lights and Chenle’s entire world was enveloped in an unwelcomed darkness. 

It took his body a couple of seconds to freak out, heart racing, he tried to stand up but forgot that he had gotten overtaken by a baby giant and a clingy hyung. He had nowhere to go and the walls were closing in on him. A bubble began blowing up inside his chest. He couldn’t breath, the air going through his lungs felt like it had condensed into a rock, settling at the bottom of his lungs. The room started tilting and he could feel himself teeter on the brink of consciousness. 

“I’m so sorry, Chenle” Renjun’s hands gripped Chenle’s arms wrapped tightly around his knees. Tears rolled down Chenle’s cheeks as he forced his eyes open, aware that he could suddenly see his hyung’s face, illuminated by the lights that were hurriedly turned on with shaking hands. 

As if a switch was turned off in his body, he suddenly felt tired, eyes threatening to close and head lolling to the side. 

“Chenle, Chenle! Breath with me….in….out….one. In….out….two.”

Chenle held his breath until he could feel the edges of the TV get fuzzy before letting out the breath, focusing on not sucking in his breath until the coffee table had become a blur. 

“What happened?” 

The members came into focus again. 

“I’m sorry. This shouldn’t have happened twice in one night.” 

“What are you talking about?” Jeno brought a glass of water for Chenle who gulped it down thankfully, finally able to soothe his parched throat. 

“I’m….I’m scared of…..the dark.” Chenle tried to stand up, ashamed of his own confession. He knew it was childish, that he should have already grown out of it as an idol. He just wanted to retreat to his (well lit) bedroom and cry. He wanted this to be over. 

“Chenle, it’s okay. It’s natural to be scared of something.” 

“Yeah, but the dark!” 

Chenle flinched at the way Renjun’s voice went up accusingly. 

“.....is such a reasonable fear. So many things happen in the dark, kidnappings, murders…..spiders!” 

Chenle pressed his hands to his ears, wanting to block out his hyung’s ongoing list of scary things. Jaemin hit Renjun’s arm to shut him up, which resulted in the shorter teen rubbing his arm and pouting. 

“Hate to break up this party, but lets get cleaned up,” Jaemin took Chenle up by the arm and held onto him when his legs turned jelly from sitting down for hours. 

They went back into the bathroom.

“Chenle, are you okay? You really scared me,” a frightened Jisung looked back at him with big eyes. Despite the boy being a lot taller than him, he looked like a child who was just lost at the mall with his questioning eyes. Chenle felt his heart melt, “yeah Jisung, don’t worry about me, I’m fine.” 

“You...you deal with this every day right?” the whisper broke through the silence as Chenle climbed into the tub. Jisung threw him a pair of swim trunks, unable to meet his best friend’s eyes. Chenle nodded, sitting freezing in the trunks in the ice cold tub as Jisung turned on the water, adjusting the temperature. 

“And you didn’t tell me?...We share the same room? Did you just think that… I didn’t care?” 

“No, I-it’s just that...I don’t get an attack every day, just sometimes it can get...really bad. But it’s not often, I’ve gotten much better than before,”

“Was…. the knight nightlight your grounding factor? Were you….sad whenever we….made fun of it? For calling it a dumb toy?” Jisung ran a warm, soapy sponge up and down Chenle’s arms and legs. 

Chenle watched the suds drip off as Jisung mindlessly pushed around the sponge, “no, no, of course not...you guys were just playing around, it was harmless, don’t worry.” 

“Well…” Jisung threw the sponge into the bathtub and suds flew onto Chenle’s face and Jisung’s clothes, “no it wasn’t! You were hurting. You should hate us because we were hurting you! You can’t forgive those who hurt you so easily! You should be yelling, screaming, hitting us for humiliating you and making fun of your struggles. We are despicable.” Jisung turned around.

Chenle had already stood up, dripping wet and freezing, yet he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around Jisung’s thin frame as he cried, “never, never. I will always forgive anything you guys do. You guys are my family, my rock, the only ones I have. You guys really meant no harm, please don’t blame yourselves, you didn’t know.” 

Jisung laid his head down onto Chenle’s arms and cried. Chenle turned Jisung around so he could embrace the tall kid and he put his head on Chenle’s shoulder and just sobbed, muttering apologies about how he was so sorry, how he wish he hadn’t hurt Chenle, how he was insensitive. 

They fell asleep like that, curled up on the bathroom floor in each other’s arms. The hyungs saw them after a few hours and sighed, each waking up a maknae gently by rocking their shoulders. Jisung woke up immediately, groggy and rubbing his eyes, like a big baby. Chenle stirred but kept his eyes closed, turning over and stretching subconsciously. Smiling, Jeno scopped Chenle up and tiptoed out the cramped bathroom, careful to not wake the sleeping boy. He carried him to him and Jisung’s shared bedroom with Renjun and Jaemin each on one side of a sleepy Jisung that swayed when he walked. When Jeno put Chenle down on the his bed, Jisung plopped down at the end of his bed and wouldn’t budge despite Renjun and Jaemin tugging him to get to his bed. “No, must stay with Chenle” Jisung muttered, head lolling to the side and eyes drooping. 

“Just leave him there,” Jeno chided, “they need each other,”

Smiling, the rest of the members closed the door and returned to their own rooms, excited to finish the day. 

Jisung wrapped his long arms around Chenle’s sleeping form and whispered in his ear, “don’t worry, I’ll be your knight now,”


End file.
